Better Than Pity.

It appears in an immoral decision,
It's he's so terrible, how is it
that he seems to fix everything in his
lack of care?
And I know that the blue-eyed one knows,
he knows what I've done, he knows how
weak I am to that detached smile.
Is it okay to feel guilty?
When he was the one to be unfaithful first.
I can see it behind my eyes, addictive memories
that confuse me as to whether I should
be glad to remember them or not, whether I
should or should not smile when I see
grey eyes staring into my soul.
One says he's going to destroy me.
Another says he's going to help fix me.
And the truth is that, though I fear rejection,
it's the fear of being alone that hits
me the hardest. It's the fear that shadows
will spill from under my door and consume
me, the fear that if I'm left alone, my
mind will unravel and I'll be at the
mercy of a masked monster of hatred.
I'm scared of my own mind being left
to make up it's own horrors to kill me.
And I hate the look of pity those blue
eyes give me becuase of it. I hate it.
The only thing I get from that
emotionless one is mocking laughter.
Laughter that makes the fear give way to
shame for feeling so scared.
It's better than being pitied.